Relationship Balance

One of the things that I think is difficult in any relationship is the idea of two persons being both an individual entity as well as a combined force of nature. There is a danger in this delicate balance of one partner in the relationship becoming completely absorbed by the other. I’m not speaking about the togetherness that occurs with parenting, or such parts of the relationship where a united front is appropriate. I am speaking about one partner losing their identity in the presence of another. There is danger of this in any sort of relationship be it platonic or romantic.

I’m not exactly sure when or where it begins in a relationship. Perhaps it starts when a partner wishes to please or even seek the approval of another partner or even surrounding persons to the relationship (i.e. friends, family, etc.). Slowly the partner begins to give up those things that have defined them to themselves. I am not speaking against transcending one’s own system, beliefs, or such as we find our goal in magick, occult work, and spiritual work (or one’s religion). I am speaking about the core of our identity that we may give up in order to seek the approval of those we are around. There is a large difference between transcending a particular ideology or set of beliefs (the ego) or such, and simply becoming the person or people we are around where our original character/soul/spirit or that name which you like to refer to your unique self is lost.

When in a relationship we must keep in mind that we are first individuals, partners second. It is not to say that these two cannot work in tandem, but we must remember that even in tandem there is a balance to be kept. We must allow our partner to be who they are whilst working together. Though we may be very comfortable with our way of doing things, thinking, and so forth we must have enough allowance for our partner in the relationship to have the same. As I said, balance. I think one of the best ways we can accomplish this is through open and honest communication. It calls for the openness of both partners (regardless of the type of relationship) to be open and honest about their thoughts, and also be open to listening and hearing what their partner in the relationship is sharing.

Once we have communicated our thoughts the next part of developing balance I think can be one of the most difficult. We now have to accept our partner’s individuality. It seems as if it this would be common place, and extremely simplistic in nature but even I find that it can be one of the most difficult parts of a relationship. Regardless of the relationship be it fraternal, platonic, or romantic there is a period of newness that clouds a great many things about our partner. Perhaps we over look things that we find cause us awkwardness or unsettled feelings because we are caught in the excitement of the new relationship. However, over time, these facets of our partner’s individuality can begin to seep in and at times instead of acceptance it is met with resistance. We may find we try to change our partner in the relationship. We may find we begin to change ourselves to suit the other’s individuality. Again, this is why balance is so important. We must be willing to accept those qualities that make our partner unique, who they are, just as we would wish them to accept us in all of our unique qualities. We will find that when we begin to accept these unique qualities our relationship begins to blossom with fragrance, rather than wither.